Ugly Girl Pride: Why Self-Care Isn’t Superficial (It’s Sacred)

When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me not to worry too much about my looks. She’d say, “Just focus on your books.” I know she meant well—she didn’t want me to become vain or conceited. She wanted me to grow up with good character and strong morals.

But what my insecure kid brain heard was:

“Sugar Honey Baby, you’re not that cute. You’re actually pretty ugly.”
(Okay—maybe not that last part.)
But I internalized:
You’re kind, you’re a bookworm, you’re an honor roll student—just lean into that. That’s what matters.

From Books to Bullying

The thing was, I was constantly teased in school for being dark-skinned and having full lips.

So I leaned hard into my intelligence. It became my shield.

I remember a boy once teased me about my looks, and I fired back,
“Well, God made me this way, so if you have a problem with it, take it up with Him.”
He had no comeback. I felt powerful.
But looking back, I realize—I was wielding truth like a weapon.

I believed that not caring about my appearance made me more “holy.”
I quietly admired the fashionable girls from a distance, but I refused to see beauty in myself.

I thought I was being humble.
But what I was really doing was shrinking.

What Is Ugly Girl Pride?

Ugly Girl Pride is the mindset that says:
“Because I don’t try to be beautiful, I’m more moral. More caring. More righteous.”

It sounds holy.
But it’s really just another form of pride—just dressed in plain clothes.

I wasn’t free from self-obsession. I was still thinking about myself constantly—just from a place of low self-worth instead of arrogance.

The Two Faces of Pride

Here’s what I learned:
Insecurity and conceit are two sides of the same coin.

One says, “I’m everything.”
The other says, “I’m not enough.”
But both keep you focused on you.

True humility isn’t thinking less of yourself.
It’s thinking of yourself rightly—the way God sees you.

The False Humility Trope in Media

We’ve all seen it.
The nerdy girl in the movie gets a makeover, becomes hot, loses herself, and finally learns that beauty doesn’t matter. Cue the return to her “true self.”

As a romance buff?
I ate this storyline up like Sunday dinner.

But the takeaway was always the same:
Don’t care too much about how you look. That’s shallow. Smart girls don’t wear lip gloss.

Here’s what’s never talked about:
Fake humility can be just as damaging as vanity.

What the Bible Says About Loving Yourself

“Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:31)

You are:

Made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27)
A temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19)
Fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)

But how can we love others well if we haven’t learned to love ourselves?

Let’s be clear: Biblical self-care is about stewardship.

Getting enough sleep? Biblical.

Drinking water? Biblical.

Dressing with dignity and confidence? Biblical.

Resting on the seventh day? God literally modeled that.

When I love myself well, I’m better equipped to love my family, serve others, and glorify God with my life.

Caring for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s part of honoring our Creator.

The Problem with Demonizing Self-Care

As a teen, I started to copy what I saw other girls do to feel “beautiful.”
I chased trends. I dressed for attention. I started acting like a mean girl because—apparently—confidence looked like cockiness.

I wasn’t saved then. I didn’t have spiritual guidance.
So I did what most of us do when we don’t have truth:
I looked to the world.

But years later, after completing my first fast, something shifted.
God opened my eyes to what self-care looked like through His lens.

I learned how to chew the meat and spit out the bones when it came to self care advice.
I didn’t become vain—I became whole.

When I Prioritized Biblical Self-Care…

I fasted regularly
I nourished my body
I prioritized sleep
I started dressing in ways that made me feel beautiful—not to impress, but to reflect dignity

And something amazing happened:

My sons respected me more
My husband took notice
My femininity was on full display

I wasn’t as depleted. I set better boundaries. I rested with intention.

I realized:
Caring for myself was helping me care for others better.

Self-Care Isn’t Secular—It’s Sacred

Yes, the world has twisted the idea of self-care.
It’s often all about indulgence, escapism, or luxury for the sake of status.

But true, biblical self-care is about stewardship.

Getting enough sleep
Drinking water
Dressing with dignity
Resting—like God did on the seventh day

When we care for our temples, we’re not being selfish.
We’re being obedient.

So… Where’s the Line?

Here’s where I want to hear from you:

Is it selfish to work out so I have more energy for my kids—and myself?
Is it prideful to want to feel beautiful for me and not just my husband?
Is it wrong to invest in skincare, a wardrobe, or spa days if it’s done from a place of wholeness—not validation?

I don’t believe it is.

But I think it’s a conversation Christian women need to have—out loud, without shame.

Let’s Talk About It

So let me ask you:

Is it selfish to care for yourself if your goal is to show up stronger for others?
Where do you draw the line between insecurity, self-care, and pride?

Leave a comment below or send me a message.
Let’s reclaim this conversation. Together.

With joy and grace,
Melissa S.
Founder & Creator of StrutGirl

Resources You’ll Love:

[Download my free guide: Self-Care Isn’t Selfish: The Biblical Blueprint]
[Get the Ugly Girl Pride 5-Day Devotional—a $5 soul reset for Christian women]
[Subscribe to the StrutGirl YouTube Channel] for videos on biblical identity, beauty, and motherhood

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